Of cabbages and kings.

Today I’m headed down to Salem to hang out with my buddy Josh again. As you recall, the last time this happened I careened into a 5000-calorie day. So today is a good test of my willpower, which is usually good, but I just can’t help myself around him. And yes, my friends would laugh heartily at that sentence. We are indeed mental 12-year-olds.

So the goal today isn’t to stick to my 2000-calorie diet that I generally use. I’m having guy time, and there’s nothing wrong with enjoying some things that I normally wouldn’t. But I want to make good choices. So when we make our inevitable jaunt to the Safeway for some video-gaming snacks, I want to have a plan walking in so I don’t end up with a bag of Kettle chips in my gut.

First: no chips. I’ll probably still spring for a big bag of jerky, which is admittedly not the best option, but there’s a hell of a lot of difference between 1000 calories of salty potato chips that offer next to nothing in nutrients and 1000 calories of protein-packed, relatively low-fat jerky that will keep me full for hours.

Step two, grab an armful of fruit. I’ll likely end up leaving some fruit there, but again, better options available.

Third, there’s going to most likely be a trip to the Taco Bell. HOWEVER! There is a Subway across the parking lot. I will make use of it.

Finally, since we usually do a little boozing when we’re together, I’m taking down my bottle of Smirnoff and some tonic. Again, not the healthiest of options, but this is about substituting bad things for horrible things. I think a goal of 3500 calories is both logical and attainable, and at 369.4 pounds, probably not too far over my basal metabolic rate. Besides, if I go hang out with my boys and I’m eating berries and drinking water while they eat potato chips and drink booze, it’s just going to make me wonder if it’s worth it. A healthy diet without a space carved out for fun isn’t a healthy diet; it’s torture.

Oh, and I know this blog had nothing to do with its title. That song is just stuck in my damn head!

I skipped breakfast again! No bueno. Damn days off always throw off my meal plan.

Lunch:
Leftover burger. I’m not going to lie, it’s 95% as delicious as it was when I first made it. Goddamn I make a good burger.

Dinner:
Sarah’s sister made some amazing jambalaya, and healthy too! She’s a future nutritionist, and this would make you forget about your classic jambalaya. With barley instead of rice, and turkey sausage and shrimp. Unfortunately, this left me at too few calories for the day, so I made myself a breakfast sandwich when I got home, of two Eggo Nutri-Grain Whole Wheat waffles, two eggs, and two Jimmy Dean Low-Fat Turkey sausage patties. Oh, and a shitload of Tapatio, of course.