Ambitious Me is a jerk.

For the first time since I started living like a normal person a little over two months ago, my body failed me last night. If I was religious, I’d totally think a god was smiting me for getting cocky. As it is, though, I think it’s more likely that it was just overuse. Yay science!

I did my six miles yesterday, but not without a hell of a struggle. I had been alternating quarter mile run/quarter mile walk for the six miles the last few weeks, but Ambitious Me, sitting at his desk at work yesterday, got the bright idea that yesterday, I should do the first three miles in half mile run/quarter mile walk increments. Lucky for him, Ambitious Me doesn’t have to go running. He leaves that to Lazy Me.

Anyway, I got through the first three all right – surprisingly well, really. Around the 4-mile mark, though, when I was back to quarter-quarter, my left leg muscles just stopped pulling their weight. It started in my calf, then my knee and my thigh, and by the end, when I was barely shuffling through the last ¼ mile run interval, my hip was laboring to move my leg forward. I think a combination of my faster running on Friday and twisting the night away on Saturday probably fatigued my leg muscles enough to turn me into an elderly person by the end of six miles.

In a way, it’s frustrating. I always thought that the biggest impediment to my being a runner was going to be my cardiovascular fitness. I’m not saying that I don’t occasionally get winded walking up stairs, but cardiovascular-wise, running half a mile was easy, albeit not at a blistering pace. But it’s my body that’s not holding up its end of the bargain. If it’s not my legs, it’s my back. My back tightens up at the 3- or 4-mile mark almost every time I run. It loosens up when I start walking again, but it puts a hard upper limit on my running ability.

On the bright side, the weight is still coming off. I measured my resting heart rate at 61 bpm today, and I’m 2.4 pounds short of fifty. I have a previously scheduled massage on Saturday, so I’m trying to drop that last bit so I don’t have to retroactively reward myself. Retroactive rewards are for suckers.

Breakfast:
Eggs/Eggos/Tapatio

Lunch:
Wedding leftovers (stuffed pork loin, rice pilaf, braised kale)

Dinner:
Grilled Salmon/roasted broccoli/herb couscous

I got chafin' on me nipples!

I chafed my nipples on Monday night.

I know that for most people, chafed nipples would be a negative thing. But I consider it a milestone! I’ve never run enough to chafe my nipples, or else I was never running in the right conditions. Sure, it means I have to start Band-Aiding up when I run, but every time I slap a Hello Kitty across my nips (not Dora the Explorer, that’s just creepy), I’ll take a measure of pride.

I have been so busy lately! I feel like I’m letting down the public when I don’t blog, but I just haven’t had an opportunity lately. Wednesday, it was the Doug Benson stand-up show immediately after I got home (I didn’t get called up on stage, but I did get a picture eating beef jerky with Doug Benson). Thursday it was my brother’s wedding rehearsal – again, immediately after I returned home. Friday, we woke up, did a run and it was off to Mr. Formal to try on my jacket and pants, then to Portland for the girls to get nails done and for us guys to stake out a spot at Serrato for the youngun’s party.

Digression: I feel pretty impressed with myself, actually. Friday could have been a dangerous game, but I fought off the temptation. For the most part, at least. More on that in a minute.

Saturday was the wedding and everything that comes with that, such as waking up early, heading to Mr. Formal to pick up the jacket and pants, picking up wedding stuff, getting shaves, and of course, the actual wedding. Sunday was dinner with Sarah’s family friends, as well as all the post-wedding errands. So yeah, really not a free moment at all.

However, I have a whole list of accomplishments to brag about. Wednesday night was the Doug Benson show, and there were a couple of pitfalls: a two-drink minimum and comedy club food. Luckily, if you come to Portland you’d think there were a law requiring all businesses to offer a hummus plate, so we shared that and I had Coronas, which may not be the lowest-calorie option but I wasn’t about to drink well drinks at a comedy club.

Friday morning was run day, and I continue to be less slow as I go along. It’s an out-and-back, and after going out in 43:04, we came in in 42:34, so that’s a six-mile time of 1:28:38. I’m going to miss my weekly 5K again this week (family obligations and all), but I’m excited at the prospect of making some PRs. I’m not one of those people that enjoys running, and I think you people are weird that do enjoy it. But PRs are awesome. I need to break 43:30 in my 5K and 42:00 for three miles. I also want to do a timed mile at some point. I’m not to the point that I’m running a mile yet, but I can alternate running and walking and I imagine I can come in somewhere between 12:30 and 13:00, but I don’t have anything timed yet. Maybe I can get down to a high school and time myself on the track.

Friday night was the aforementioned pre-wedding party, and my brother and I were tasked with grabbing a table at Serrato for happy hour while the girls finished up their nail appointment. We arrived at the restaurant at about 3:55 and told the waitstaff that we would have more joining us around 4:20. Turns out the girls went to the slow nail place and didn’t make it until 5:20. Being in a restaurant for that long is a bit torturous, especially when there is bread so readily available. But we split one order of bread and each had one deviled egg, which I’m sure the staff appreciated while they kept refilling our water.

After Serrato came VoiceBox for karaoke, and my newly-minted sister-in-law’s cousin was ready to break out the drinks. Don’t get me wrong, great guy, but not great for diets, or driving ability. Again, I was able to restrain myself, pawn off the extra drinks, and stay sober for the drive home, as well as not drink 1000 calories worth of alcohol.

You’d think that this is enough temptation for one week, but oh no! You would be wrong. Saturday was the wedding, and oh my, was there food to be had. I was the officiant, and yet I was the least impressive of my brothers. The older one was getting married, so people were all excited about that for some reason, and my younger brother did the catering, which came out beautifully. Luckily, I ate light earlier in the day and so the dinner of amazing salad, stuffed pork loin, rice pilaf, eggplant lasagna, and braised greens wasn’t a total devastation of my daily intake. Also, I danced. Badly. But I’m pretty sure they let you burn calories for dancing whether you can bust a move or not.

Sunday should have been easy then, right? Ha ha, not this time, fatty! It turns out that Sarah’s friends, despite being about 40 years older than me, manage to keep up several beautiful acres of grass, fruit trees, and gardens while still making an amazing dinner of potato cheese casserole, green salad, rice and apple salad, and grilled chicken. Oh, and with rhubarb custard pie for dessert. It was ridiculously difficult to resist the overtures of more food, but I held off and still went home full.

So today I get to relax a little, besides my six-miler tonight. At least I don’t have to resist the temptation of weddings and alcohol and retired ladies bearing pie. Hard to say which is most difficult.

Tuesday:

Breakfast:
Eggs/Eggos/Tapatio

Lunch:
Leftover cheesesteak fixins

Dinner:
Ham/chicken/mozzarella/avocado/hummus Panini
Handful of Krab

Wednesday:

Breakfast:
Eggs/Eggos/Tapatio

Lunch:
1 lb Krab
Cucumber/hummus

Dinner:
Hummus plate at Helium
2 Coronas
1 piece jerky (with Doug Benson)

Thursday:

Breakfast:
Eggs/Eggos/Tapatio

Lunch:
Turkey/Ham/Mozzarella/Hummus Sandwich

Dinner:
Sushi (miso, edamame, krab stick, masago, asparagus roll)
Sapporo – 1

Friday:

Breakfast:
Luna Chocolate Peanut Butter Bar
Amy’s homemade healthy scones (amazing)

Lunch:
Another Luna Bar (I think that was the brand)

Dinner:
Serrato’s IPA
Three slices bread
Small amount olive oil
1 deviled egg
Rigatoni
¼ hummus plate
1 Sapporo
2 shots sake

Workout:
Six miles in 1:28:38

Saturday:

Brunch:
Turkey/brie/arugula/cran jam crepe from Perierra creperie (holy Christ they’re good)

Dinner:
Stuffed pork loin, braised kale, rice pilaf, eggplant lasagna, wedding cake, Mia’s and Pia’s pale ale

Workout:
Breakin’ it down

Sunday:

Breakfast:
Amy’s scone

Lunch:
Turkey/ham/mozzarella/pesto Panini

Dinner:
Fruit salad
grilled chicken thigh
chickpea/brown/rice/apple salad
green salad with mandarin and feta
2 spanakopita triangles
Rhubarb custard pie w/whipped cream

Come get your rewards!

Being fat and working out creates all kinds of challenges that normals don’t face in everyday life. Weighing 360+ pounds makes working out a whole raft of issues. Like running. You’d think that the hard part of running would be trying to huff and puff along without dying in a heaving lump on the side of the path. In reality, cardio is not the biggest issue. Don’t get me wrong, I’m still way out of shape, and by the quarter-mile mark I’m sucking in air like a dying fish. But the biggest obstacle is my body physically holding up to the stress. By the end of six miles of alternating walking/running, I need to ice my legs like a catcher, and I feel like the only way to lessen that is to lose weight. But of course, to lose weight I need to keep working out. Anyway, I’ll either lose the weight or my knees will explode.

On the plus side, I have a good deal more time to work out now with the new job. I’m currently getting home at 6:00 or so, but once the summer’s over I’ll be home by 5:00. The only downside is that I’ll be working Fridays come the fall, but it’ll be easier to put in 5-6 days of working out a week.

I think it’s time for me to start thinking about goal weights, and finding a way to reward myself. I know that this is really an award I get for doing what I should have been in the first place. It’s like being the Turnaround Student in school. Eventually doing what comes naturally to most people becomes an accomplishment. But still…I do like prizes. So do I get a reward for going from Obese Class III to Obese Class II (319.6)? Do I get a reward when I lose 50 (353)? As much as I would enjoy a steady stream of rewards, it makes sense to save them for real milestones. So I think I’ll get myself something small for 50 pounds. But what do you buy yourself for losing weight? I know that food rewards are no good. Ideas are welcome!

Breakfast:
Eggs/Eggos/Tapatio

Lunch:
1 lb imitation Krab (I’m addicted to this stuff)
Cocktail sauce
Salad
Raspberry pie

Dinner:
Lean cheesesteaks (roast beef/mozzarella/peppers/onions/stadium roll)
Apple pie and ice cream

Workout:
6.47 miles in 1:34:45

I'm so vain.

You may have noticed that there was no weigh-in posted yesterday. This was partially a nod to pragmatism, but it was mostly an attack of vanity. It’s true that having gone to my brother’s bachelor party last night, getting intoxicated and consuming a relatively large amount of salty treats (as well as way too much delicious spice cake), I knew that I was headed for a hefty weight gain, even if most was water retention. It’s also true that I didn’t get an opportunity to weigh myself until after breakfast, despite my usual early morning weigh-in. But that’s no reason to skip. So here’s my weigh-in from yesterday, post-binge-and-breakfast:

Yesterday: 364.4
Change: +3.4
Last 7 days: +0.4
Since May 20, 2012: -38.6

So there it is. In reality, it wasn’t a terrible night. I had somewhere in the neighborhood of 3500-4000 calories. Certainly not ideal, but not an amount that should set me back a couple weeks. I lost 2.4 of that bloat today, so I think this week should be fruitful, especially as I’m watching my eating extra-carefully.

I have three obstacles right now, however. First is allergies. Maybe it’s because I’ve been spending a lot more time outside running on grass-lined fields, but my allergies are out of control! I’m on two Zyrtecs a day and it’s still just barely making a dent. I’m lucky that I live in a state that sells Sudafed over the counter, so my suffering is mitigated some, but it’s making everything just feel like a chore.

Second is mosquitoes. I need to invest in some insect repellent. My trail of choice runs directly alongside a river/reservoir and what looks like a cesspool, so the mosquitos are about, and they seem to be feasting on the area just at the bottom of my shorts. My upper calves were itching to the point of pain last week. Also, I’m of the opinion that working out will be even more difficult with West Nile Virus. Bastard mosquitoes.

Third is just life in general. Today is my only really good day for working out this week, with the exception of Saturday. Bearing in mind that I work from 7am-5pm, tomorrow I have to go seeking a wedding gift and another good shirt. Wednesday I have to go straight from work to home to Helium Comedy Club to see Doug Benson perform. Thursday is the wedding rehearsal and rehearsal dinner (I’m officiating the ceremony. Friday, I have an appointment in the Beav in the morning and then wedding party dinner/drinks/etc. Saturday I can do, I think, but even that will take some work, since I have a shave appointment and all the pre-wedding stuff. I’m looking at possibly swinging a workout between my Beaverton appointment and dinner, since I have to start that business around 1, but it’ll be a stretch.

Finally, I saw a great tweet yesterday:

Good workout today. There was a moment when I was ready to quit but thought of @NotLikeMcLovin and put in another 10min #inspired #fitness

— elizabeth velasco (@velascoev) July 22, 2012

It made me feel really good, and also a bit guilty, but mostly good. Also, I’ve received lots of support from @antonioortegajr, @Caseyerinhenri, @misterappliance, @yoUofOh, and @tinysquared. Follow them (if they’ll allow you to, in some cases), and follow me @NotLikeMcLovin.

Friday:

Breakfast:
Balance Bar BARE Sweet and Salty Peanut Butter

Lunch:
Panini with lean ham and turkey, hummus, cheese, pepper, onion

Dinner:
Pizza party with Lyle, of Lyle’s Myles! Half a small pizza and shared a pitcher of Coors Light

Workout:
Walked 6.1 miles in 1:44:50

Saturday:

Breakfast:
1/3 of remaining pizza

Lunch:
Rest of remaining pizza

Dinner/snacks/drinks:
Dos Equis, some clove-y beer (meh), PBR
Beef brisket with pickled veggies and braised greens
10 oz beef jerky
2 oz Kettle Baked Sea Salt & Vinegar chips
1 insane amount pumpkin spice cake with chai cream cheese frosting
Several Rice Krispie Treats

Sunday:

Breakfast/brunch:
Eggs, sausage, hashbrowns

Dinner:
Baked tilapia, salad, roasted garlic quinoa

Snacks/drinks/dessert:
Small serving bread and hummus
1 Dos Equis
Apple pie with a little ice cream

I'm back!

Okay, I’m back over 40 pounds lost again! Hooray!

It’s not really a biggie. I’ve been posting big losses for a while now and it has to even out sometime. I had a bigger problem yesterday with my mindset. I got this really awful feeling, like a guilty feeling, about not working out. I don’t have any reason to feel that way; I’m still working out five days a week and putting in 15-20 miles, eating healthy, etc. So why the glumness? I don’t know. Maybe it’s just the stress of the week.

I started my new job in Portland this week and in a lot of ways it’s great, the most basic of which being that I’m now driving 22 miles to work instead of 100. On the down side, it’s a lot more buttoned down and, unlike my old job, I don’t like everyone that I work with, but that’s just how it goes when you go from an office of two to an office of 40.

Whatever the reason, I really don’t want to get into the habit of getting down on myself for not working out. What’s better is to be happy when I’m motivated to work out. Speaking of which, I did six miles today, which is good, but even more exciting is that I had to go buy a new pair of shoes. That’s right, I wore out a pair of shoes by walking and running in them, intentionally, until they couldn’t go any more. I figure these probably lasted somewhere in the neighborhood of 250 miles over the last year. Not a huge number, but I’ve done over 90 since the start of June, so go me!

As for this week, I must admit that I’m a little bit worried about the next month. This weekend I have my brother’s bachelor party, next weekend is the wedding, and two weekends after that is Mancave, where I will, of course, drink until I can’t feel feelings anymore and then eat until I can. But I just have to think about what I eat and while I might still gain weight, the key is mitigating the damage.

Tuesday:

Breakfast:
Eggs/Eggos/Tapatio

Lunch:
Tuna melt!

Dinner:
Pork sirloin, homemade collard greens (yeah, I make them), couscous, low-sugar raspberry pie and ice cream

Wednesday:

Breakfast:
Eggs/Eggos/Tapatio

Lunch:
Pork, collard greens, salad with lots of veggies

Dinner:
Tuna melt!

Thursday:

Breakfast:
Eggs/Eggos/Tapatio (sense a trend?)

Lunch:
Big salad w/tuna and veggies

Dinner:
Avocado/cheddar/hummus/turkey/ham Panini

Snack:
Delicious apple flax bread

Milestone.

I hit 40 pounds lost today, in 58 days. It’s definitely a good thing, but it’s certainly going to be a drag when I start losing a normal amount of weight. Until then, I’ve got to enjoy it!

Yesterday was a rough workout, but it was an extremely satisfying one. Somehow I got the great idea to do a six-miler by alternating walking and jogging a quarter-mile at a time. I actually was doing pretty well cardio-wise, but my leg muscles are just not quite up to snuff! Well, that’s not entirely true. They are just barely up to snuff. At the four-mile mark or so, my legs started slowly giving in to weakness. By mile five, I was ready to quit. But I pushed myself and I had some great encouragement, and I finished LIKE A BOSS. It sucked, quite a bit. But sometimes the bullshit your high school football coaches tell you isn’t such bullshit. It’s true that when you’re ready to quit, that’s when you really start improving.

It was the first workout since I decided to be the anti-fatty that really felt the way those workouts did during high school wrestling, when I finished a practice and I really pushed myself. And it felt good. I forgot how good it felt to work out to the point of exhaustion. That’s not to say that it felt great physically. It was hard to move much for the rest of the night but goddamn it, it felt great pretty much every other way.

And today’s my rest day, which is sorely needed. It’s also my last day making the drive from Vancouver to Seaside every day. Two hours each way blows. Now I’ll be driving to southwest Portland, which means my commute goes from 195 miles per day to 44. It’s going to be a huge reduction in stress, and a huge increase in free time. I plan to join the gym because I need to get some strength training in my life, though that may have to wait until I’m done working ten-hour days. But I’d prefer to stave off a big plateau before it happens, so we’ll see.

Anyway, today is a day for celebration. I’ve lost 40 pounds!

Breakfast:
Eggs/Eggos/Tapatio

Lunch:
Progresso Soup (2 cans)
Broccoli

Dinner:
Healthy tuna melt (tuna, light salad dressing, tons of veggies, cheese)
Cantaloupe

Snack:
Balance Bar Bare Peanut Butter

Lyle is my homeboy.

Yes, this happened.

I know, it’s fabulous. The Lyle’s Myles walk was a success. Not only did we raise over $200 for AIDS charities, we won the costume contest, which means we get to have a pizza party, with Lyle (middle), who is awesome.

I got a walk in on Sunday too, about three miles, so I’ve got a nice little workout streak going, and it’s paid off. I lost almost five pounds last week, and I’m right on the precipice of 40. Also, I went clothes shopping yesterday and it was fantastic! I found clothes that fit, even some clothes that were too big, and although most of the things that I found were either too big or too small because clothing makers are assholes, I got quite a haul.

Anyway, I’ve been too busy to write a decent blog post, but I figured it would be a good idea to check in with you lovely people.

Friday:

Breakfast:
Chicken breast – 3 oz

Lunch:
Ham/jalapeno/tomato/avocado/sriracha mayo on baguette, green salad

Dinner:
Taco salad, corn on the cob, Dos Equis (3)

Saturday:

Breakfast:
Starbucks Turkey Bacon Breakfast sandwich

Lunch:
Amy’s fruit and nut bread
Grilled chicken stick
Wheat Thins and Hummus

Dinner:
Cheeseburgers, salad and grilled zucchini
Miller Lite (6)

Sunday:

Skipped breakfast again, like a sucker.

Lunch:
Chicken/Hummus/Veggies on sourdough roll, red grapes

Dinner:
Ribeye steak, salad, broccoli, Dos Equis (1)

Snack:
Banana