One month in.

One month in, 24.6 pounds down. Am I happy with that? Of course. Am I satisfied? Not yet.

I am thinking about goals, though. Is my “goal weight” attainable? 199.6 is where I would cross into normal weight, according to the BMI. But we all know that the BMI is largely bullshit. So is it possible that I’m setting myself up to fail? Maybe – I have been known to start a thing or two without finishing.

But I feel like this is different. I’m not sure why. Maybe because I’m acknowledging it so publicly? In the past, weight loss has always been a private thing for me. Part of it was shame, sure; human beings aren’t meant to weigh 400 pounds, and it’s not something a person likes to share. But that’s only a small part of it, I think. I think it was mostly to support the illusion that I’ve created for myself.

One of the points of this blog is to shatter that illusion, permanently. Will I ever be 199.6 pounds? I’d say it’s a 50/50 shot at best. But I also know that 230 pounds is a hell of a lot healthier than 403. Shit, 330 pounds is healthier than 403. I have 199.6 as a nominal goal, but in reality, it’s just a number to keep me motivated. If I stick at 230 pounds, so be it. I’m going to be a healthy 230 pounds.

So after a month, what have I learned? Don’t look for any profound wisdom here; most of it is going to be head-shakingly obvious. But they’re things that I’ve spent 29 years not knowing or just ignoring.

1. Being hungry is a blessing. Being hungry makes you appreciate your food. I am enjoying what I eat so much more than I ever did. I ate an Easy Mac yesterday and it was orgasmic. I know that the traditional wisdom calls for eating a bunch of small meals throughout the day so you don’t get too hungry. Well fuck that. I like a good meal. I’ve tried eating multiple small meals and all it did was leave me slightly unsatisfied for the entire day. I eat three good meals that keep me full for several hours. If I get hungry, I snack on some fruit. Easy peasy.

2. I’m a pretty damn good cook. Most of this is just being good at following a recipe, but I think I have some decent instincts. I also am pretty good at not overcooking meat. Really, now that I think about it, I’m better at coming up with dishes than anything. And I make a delicious fish taco.

3. Runner’s high. You know that great feeling you get when you’re out running? Yeah, me neither. Fuck runner’s high. I think it’s bullshit. I know that it feels good to get done with a workout, but I think everyone has conflated the good feelings that accompany exercise with exercise feeling good. I feel great when I finish a run. I feel better and have more energy when I work out consistently. I enjoy the feeling of accomplishment when my body is sore the day after a workout. But working out sucks. If you get a runner’s high, I hate you just a little.

4. Spicy food kicks ass.

Anyway, I’m going ten pounds at a time, so my true next goal is 373 pounds. I’m also going to post what I eat each day. Just one more way to keep myself accountable.

Breakfast:
2 slices Dave’s Killer Light Bread
2 eggs
1 shitload Tapatio

Lunch:
Turkey sandwich on Dave’s Killer Good Seed bread with veggies and horseradish
Easy Mac

Dinner:
Fish tacos (tilapia, small white corn tortillas, lettuce, tomato, FF sour cream, avocado, onion, and lots of jalapeños and Tapatio)